Beverage Extremists on the uptick at insurrectionary U; Bro University Radicalization Project (BURP)? [satire]

Word came in that the bros, the emos, the hipsters, the greeks and even the fauxburbanites decided to keep setting shit on fire until they got blasted by the angry and still very-well-armed Minneapolis Police Department. The police assaulted, shot at and mass arrested many random passerby, but at least one musician made good money without getting hassled, much to his surprise.

The ongoing Bro University Radicalization Project (BURP), which has been focused on redirecting the socially repressive forces of alcohol towards spontaneous anarchy, salutes the snap attack on sober conformity, a non-hierarchical attempt to liberate U spaces in favor of their natural free-form Bro-ness and Duder-tude, with chillaxing required for any kind of mutual aid, Miller or Bud.

No one can deny that this in keeping with the history of the blocks experiencing casual weekend insurrection. In the offing: a ruthless smackdown from the dean (who will have to deny the role of the economics department in damaging other local property).

The brief, but decidedly hardy, weekend's uprising has shown that neither ideology nor planning are necessary to damage more stuff than the entire RNC scene put together. Rubber bullets became radicalization nodes, illustrating to the bros that the Man is not cool, not cool at all.

Perhaps even our friends at the Federal Reserve Bank will tabulate the rich white dudes that damaged all the property, and all the prospects, of the dudes and the bros. All the other bad kids over there on Saturday almost stopped the fiat currency brewery in its tracks.

The rich white dude conspiracy has destroyed billions of dollars, while the RNC prosecutions involve a much smaller degree of property damage than the U's weekend scene. The government can't prevent the operations of drunk people without a plan -- this beats the System!

Beverage extremist affinity groups are back with a vengeance: they managed to capture the city government of St. Paul during the 1920s -- at least, back then they had an agenda, an agenda of making lots of money for everyone. Now, the bros realize they've been shafted - this energy is there, it's rolling around.

The system's chemical dependency lobbies have controlled the bros for a long time, but now their plot could be turned against itself. Government intelligence, including the Main Core and fusion center data mining systems, cannot anticipate the spinoffs of BURP-like nodes. Devoid of keywords, ideology or planning, Beverage Extremists cannot be stopped by any level of Orwellian social control.

BURP has not inspired any bros to burn that shit down - it's just an analytical echo of a bad idea proposing the pieces have already fallen into place. The suits burned the house down, the cops have to burn off their RNC tear gas, and there are few summer jobs to be had.

Print another dollar, pass me another...... [you can't make it up]